Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
P.S. I can't hear my feet
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
