After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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