I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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