I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
