btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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