So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
