Did you just see the Batmobile???
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
