guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
me + whiskey = a bad person
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
