dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
