it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
