i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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