we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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