you win again, gameday.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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