my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
