He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
