did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
sex in a hospital.. check
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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