after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
