Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
