oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
