What did we do last night that was yellow?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
