i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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