She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
