i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
wow bdsm is so cute
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