I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
