Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
His nipple licking is glorious
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