Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
