Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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