I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
