I got chris browned last night
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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