Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's on the porch naked. Help.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
