I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
