he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
