yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
