I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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