Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
