I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
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He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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