I cannot find my penis.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
