This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
