I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
