I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
