she looked like the before picture.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
