My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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