I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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