I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
