i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
