So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am spending my child support on dildos
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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