my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
