Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
