Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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