Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
