Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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