i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
