Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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