If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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