Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
