so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
