I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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