He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
