oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
