dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
jump out the window naked night went bad
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
