4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
