this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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