It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
