my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There was a lot of him and a little penis
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
