Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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