based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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