Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
