so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
