I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
